The Stoic Path to Kindness: cultivating Compassion in Daily Life

Stoic philosophy teaches that by extending kindness toward others, especially in their moments of weakness, we not only help them but also realize our own potential. A prominent Stoic emperor, Marcus Aurelius, stated, "Man is born for deeds of kindness." This underscores the Stoic view that kindness is integral to our very nature and purpose.

Epictetus, another Stoic thinker, beautifully illustrated this idea when he said, "Everything has two handles; one that is soft and manageable, the other harsh and difficult. When your brother wrongs you, do not grasp the matter by its harsh handle, dwelling on the wrong done and its hurtful aspects. Instead, hold it by its softer side: consider the closeness of your relationship, the bond of affection that has long united you, which should not be broken by a single offense." This analogy urges us to approach conflicts with empathy and understanding, focusing on shared bonds rather than differences.

In a previous post, I discussed how Marcus Aurelius reminded us to anticipate the challenging behaviors of others, saying, "When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly..." However, it is crucial to note that Marcus Aurelius wasn't simply expressing frustration. Instead, he asserted, "I, then, can neither be harmed by these people, nor become angry with one who is akin to me, nor can I hate him, for we are created to cooperate, like feet, hands, eyelids, or the rows of teeth in our upper and lower jaws. To act against one another is contrary to nature." His perspective teaches us that despite the flows and challenges we might encounter, our interactions with others should be marked by cooperation and kindness.

Marcus Aurelius's words remind us that people are inherently complex and capable of negative and positive behaviors. We can develop more profound empathy and compassion by expecting and understanding these imperfections. Instead of reacting with frustration in the face of difficult individuals, we can respond with kindness and understanding, viewing each interaction as an opportunity to practice patience and empathy.  

In a world that's filled with news of people suffering from war and politicians fighting for more power by manipulating their constituents, how can we be more kind to one another?  

1. Practice empathy: Try to understand the perspectives and feelings of others. For example, when someone cuts you off in traffic, instead of getting angry at this person, try to consider their situation. Maybe this person was not aware that they cut you off, or maybe this person is rushing to the hospital to see their dying loved one for the very last time. The point is we do not know what others are thinking or feeling, and therefore, we should not judge them based on what we think they are. By understanding the challenges and struggles others face, we can respond with greater compassion and kindness.

2. Use kind words and actions: Speak and act with gentleness and respect. Marcus Aurelius emphasized the power of gentle words, even in response to hostility. Small acts of kindness, like offering help or a smile, can significantly impact others' lives.

3. Show patience and tolerance: Be patient with others' flows and mistakes. Remember that everyone is on their own path and facing their own battles. Showing tolerance and refraining from harsh judgments is a form of kindness.

4. Forgive and let go of resentments: Stoics like Seneca and Marcus Aurelius advocated for forgiveness. Holding onto anger or resentment harms us more than it does the offender because, most of the time, the offender won't even be aware that you are angry at them. Let go of the resentments so that the anger won't destroy us.  

5. Seek understanding, not retaliation: When confronted with wrongdoing or the unkindness of others, seek to understand the reason behind it rather than retaliating. This goes back to the practice of empathy and showing tolerance towards others. 

6. Practice generosity: Share your resources, time, and knowledge. The Stoics viewed generosity as a duty, not just virtue. Helping others, especially those in need, is vital in practicing Stoic kindness.

7. Act for the common good: Engage in activities that benefit your community and society. The Stoics believed we are all part of a larger community and are responsible for contributing positively to it.

8. Cultivate inner peace: Work on your own peace of mind and emotional resilience. The more at peace we are with ourselves, the more kindness we can extend to others.  

In embracing these Stoic teachings, we not only navigate our social world more efficiently but also contribute to a more harmonious and empathetic society. Let's remember that kindness, as Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus taught, is not just an ethical duty but a fundamental part of our human nature and a path to personal growth.

I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences. How have you practiced kindness in your life? What additional steps can we take to foster more kindness in our lives and communities?